I don't think you need to return the scarf or that it's a warning sign.

I think about my T when I see him more often (like I am now, weekly) and when I'm in a tougher place (as I have been this year). During the brief period over the last six years when things were relatively stable and I was seeing him every other month, I hardly gave him a second thought.

I've learned to be okay with this. I value his presence, want his presence, need his presence in my life and I am dependent on him. That's not easy for me as I have often valued my independence. That being said, I think of my toddler learning to walk and when he held my hand in that period leading up to independent walking. Would I chide him for being dependent on me then? Do I now, when he hits a new terrain and needs my hand? Or what of those that have some sort of condition that prevent them from being able to walk independently? Perhaps emotionally they go through some level of pain at needing a walker or the like, and yet I would never tell them that they are too dependent on it. It is a need and one that allows them some mobility where they would have none.

I guess I think of my T like that, except for my depression. I need a walker. Sometimes I can manage on my own and other times, I need his hand to help me through. And so, when I am without him, trying to navigate the world on my own, I find I miss him and his support and I am learning how to build other supporters around me in those that I see day to day (like my husband).