Thank you Hooligan. I think the grandiose thinking is believing that I should leave my family, drive to her and that she will fall madly in love with me. I can't shake it even though I know that it is irrational. Once, I believed that a minister was able to read my mind. I knew this thought did not agree with reality and I knew it was absurd, but I still firmly believed it. I was terrified to think "sinful thoughts" around her. But, then I believed that she could telepathically expel demons from me and I was clearly completely delusional. I have strong self awareness unless I have completely lost touch with reality. But, that's the thing, I am missing other symptoms of mania and I appreciate you noting that I am likely not manic. I don't "feel" manic either. I just can't figure it out. Do other people have these bizarre feelings, thoughts, attachments to other people? Celebrities? Feeling thoughts and attachments that are less sexually driven and more like an obsession? Do they just pop up? Is it maybe normal to do this if you don't act on it?

I don't have a T because I can no longer afford one. That is why I come to you guys to help me sort through all of my mood swings and bizarre thinking. It seems my thoughts have been so distorted the last couple of years that I just can't recover. I just can't get back to myself. Thank you for your response.