Hi clearskys, it sounds like you're going through a really rough time, right now. Can I ask if anything happened around the age of 15 to trigger some of this??? But don't answer if you don't want to.
Although nothing has to have happened then, and aside from that it can be a time of change, insecurities...................anyway..............
You could go down the route of finding distractions, of relaxation or mindfulness, challenging negative thoughts as they arise- and there are some CBT exercises/resources online you could try, using different grounding techniques.............
But by the sounds of it, I'd say it's maybe at the stage where you should see a doctor, pdoc or T..............what do you think, deep down???
That's not to say that there isn't some really good support out there (and on here!!!) though, so I'd say you could definitely make use of some of that too/anyway.

Still I do need to get in there with the anxieties about being gay, while I completely understand it might upset you if your innate sense of identity is whipped away from under you, you begin to doubt your own identity, you feel conflicted/confused by the thoughts/ruminations...........there would be nothing wrong at all with being gay if the thoughts/ruminations were right. So you're on pretty safe ground there...........maybe try to more "trivialize" them, negate them if you can and divert your thought process to something else????
And while I know finding/not finding a relationship feels important to you, you know that the self loathing/hopelessness/feeling you're not good enough/why should or would anyone care is likely linked with the depression so maybe time to put yourself first and get some help with all of that before thinking too much about a relationship.........because that really can come in time.

And just checking (!!)...........you are getting medical help/advise/treatment/tests with the pelvic floor dysfunction aren't you????

And.........I'm going on a bit now, aren't I??
So just to finish with saying welcome to PC, I'm sure you'll find plenty of information, advise, support here. And you're not alone now!!!!
Here if you want to talk more................



Alison

P.S. it might also help to check out this forum too:
OCD and Trichotillomania - Forums at Psych Central