Hey all. New poster here. I'm joining because I'm just really confused at my general life right now. So a little background.
I'm currently a senior in high school right now and, for the lack of a better way to put it, life kind of sucks. I wake up every morning dreading having to get out of bed because every day is just more of the same. Nothing really makes me happy. Even my so call hobbies just make me feel guilty, like I'm wasting time that I shouldn't be wasting. And even they don't REALLY bring me any real joy.
I just feel like every single day is a huge grind, but I don't really know towards what. I have nothing really to look forward to (in the short term of the next months anyway) because, well, every day is the same and nothing makes me happy. I find myself unwittingly latching onto every little bit of hope for the future, whether it be an upcoming trip or an episode of some TV show that I watch coming out, or whatever just to keep from feeling like there's nothing good in life right now.
At school, I've kinda started to drift apart from the friends that I've had for years because I don't take joy from the same things that they do. The things that make everyone else laugh and have a great time, don't really have an effect on me. It's not like I'm making some conscious effort to not enjoy myself or be uptight about everything (quite the opposite, I find myself putting on the "happy face" all the time), I'm just not...affected by it. I still talk and I joke, but beyond that, I feel like the only time I say anything of substance is when I complain about stuff, which I feel like I do way too often.
At home, I'm just dead. I'm absolutely exhausted at the end of a school day (which I really shouldn't be because we don't really do anything and I get 6-7 hours of sleep a night). I end up taking an hour and a half nap every day, and I usually wake up with a headache and even sadder than usual. And then after my nap, I find myself sitting at the computer or on my phone, watching random YouTube videos or reading some article, or just absently flicking between pages because, for the life of me, I cannot dredge up enough energy or resolve to actually do something. It's kills me how much time I burn away just sitting there and not doing anything entertaining OR productive but I just can't stop. I sit for four, five, six hours sometimes just because I don't have the will to do anything.
And that...is my story. Sorry for the massive, stream of consciousness wall of text. I just...needed to get that off my chest and it's a conversation that's just awkward to have with real life people, especially since I'm so darn good at acting like I'm fine. Could anyone give me some advice? Am I depressed? Burned out? Just stupid and lazy? Thanks for your time!