hi timebombgage
i know there is nothing i can say to make you feel better over this. it is horrific. in time, it will get better. you continue to think or journal these good times you have with your friend. and it is ok to be very angry at him for leaving you as well. i would be very pissed. finding a grief support group would be helpful to get you through this. talking about what you are feeling to someone is going to be the best way to help you, whether it is your family, his family, friends, a therapist, a grief group, a pastor, or here on PC. you must have lots of questions going thru your head. there may be answers to some, you may never get answers to others. just keep talking and expressing those feelings to someone if you want the pain to pass.