I think you are focusing on the wrong issue. I do not see any rational purpose in what you have just done but if you feel that it allows you to just focus on her and you feel better this way, I guess it is OK, but it seems to me that all that largely irrelevant conversation about your sex with other people (by the way, if you ever tell your current spouse about that sex, do not use the word "affair" because for one it would be wrong - affairs have a plot with a conflict to them and that makes them good material for literature and film, whereas your sessions with the sex buddies that even you did not find fun would be boring and monotonous and the audience would leave the movie theater - and more importantly, it would be disturbing for her and cause her to fear uncertainty for no reason, so why be so unkind to the mother of your child? tell her in the most low key way - you must be good at that - what you just told us; no an affair but sex buddies to meet the needs, sans drama, sans passion, sans risk, sans conflict, but just totally mundane) you are avoiding looking at the volcano that is about to erupt.

Using the analogy with literature and film, while your sex sessions were boring and monotonous, the setting in which your baby will be born is anything but boring. From that, one can make an intensely grabbing plot.

- The grandparents are very traditional and insisted on their daughter's marriage even though having children out of wedlock is no longer taboo.

- the daughter of such traditional parents is about to undergo a sex change. What would her parents say? So far she listened to them with respect to marriage. Will she be able to stand her own ground with respect to sex change?

- the pregnant mother is so acutely uncomfortable being pregnant that there was a sea change - she went from having sex daily, which was age appropriate for her and you (although people differ in that regard, but clearly daily sex at your age is well within the range of normal) to none at all. Also, she seems to be so completely living in her own head that she does not even wonder how her partner is doing and what his reaction to the sea change is.

- if the pregnant woman is already so uncomfortable, a disaster might well strike when she has the baby

- the baby will need to be nursed for at least 1 year. Yet his mother (if I read your post correctly) plans to undergo sex change after the baby is born. I bet that the male hormones she'd get would stop the milk production. Can you talk to her about it? Can she commit to being a woman for one full year and only start the sex change once the baby is weaned?

- and a whole host of other issues.

So it seems that you are focusing on the wrong things in order to occupy your mind and not deal with very pressing, complex issues. You are of course very young and the amount of uncertainty about the future that you are dealing with now would be challenging for most people including those who are much older than you.

I think that you do not realize that your baby will not be in your shoes. You were brought up by a loving mother who never married. that is one of the widely accepted societal norms these days. When you were in school, nobody really treated you any differently for not living with your dad, right?

Your child might end up with what... 2 dads? One mother and one father. One mother who will become a man and then whom? A father? Still a mother?

I am not saying that there is anything wrong with it, but I am saying that it is challenging, and your time should be spent planning for various contingencies that you might encounter and NOT asking questions that you know answers for.

You asked if you are an addict. You were told that this category is highly controversial but the category of sexual compulsion is less controversial. Are you compulsive? You are the opposite of compulsive because you always remain calm. Do you know that about yourself? You do. So this was a question for which you knew the answer.

You then asked if you marriage is not satisfying. But you entered into the marriage not on your volition and without having planned for it. Why do you even expect the marriage to be satisfying? Even your spouse did not want to get married.

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You are in a crisis situation, all in all. When a person is in a crisis, he does not theorize about what is or is not satisfying in a marriage because he cannot afford theorizing; a person in crisis is focused on dealing with the immediate obstacles while trying to improve the situation to survive. And you have to think not just on how every person in this web (including the grandparents, of course, since they call the shots) is going to survive, but how you and your wife will greet their firstborn into the world.

Sorry, just noticed that you always planned to have kids. Hopefully this mean that you will find caring for your baby fun and pleasurable.