I've been w/this T for a little over 2 yrs. this past yr has been extremely difficult. I had 2 suicide attempts & 3 hospitalizations. She stood by me & helped me the entire time. I've really grown to trust her. She's the only one that knows about my affair. She claims to be the best in my town on PTSD & DID.

A few months ago when I first cheated I felt ok about it. Even a bit happy. The second mtg lead to a terrible breakdown w/a mix of shame & guilt. I asked her to help me stop this behavior bec of how it made me feel. We also discovered a huge personality that appears when there's talk or a chance of having sex. This personality loves sex & we feel has come out as an alternative to death & my life of misery at home. That I needed a desperate change & something that made me feel alive. Hence this sexual personality broke thru. She reminds me of an alter ego.

Since then I've told my T how much joy & feeling of life I've been having bec of seeing this other person. I'm more focused in T & share more instead of these 6-8 word therapy sessions where I say nothing bec to me there's nothing to discuss. I wanto get out of bed in the morning. I'm not focused on suicide. I care about what I look like & knowing that someone wants to see me, be w/me & cares for me is heavenly. So yesterday I think the thing that got to me most was when my T told me....she has parts, religious parts, as do I, & that these parts know what I'm doing is not right. That I'm breaking my marriage vows & that this will only lead to more trouble & that she felt she had to say this outloud that I was making poor decisions. What was I expecting to get from a life lead like this & how poorly I was treating my H.

Maybe I was reading between the lines here, but I did feel like I was being condemned. I knew what her point of view was from the beginning. We both knew. But did I need to be reminded "that my H hasn't cheated on you," type comment. I know she has good intentions to help, but this last session was a total derailment. I feel like if I continue to see her we can either not talk about this issue @ all & hide it or I discontinue to see her. It's just I have time invested in her. I also don't wanto go in there & blow up @ her w/ my angry side when I see her tomorrow. She knew she upset me...but didn't say much to understand it.