Have you been honest with your T/pdoc? If not, that would be the starting place. If you have been telling them everything and they are not helping things then I would look for new one(s). A change in meds may be required. I know with me meds quit working after a while and I have to change. Do not attempt a fake suicide, that could get you killed. There is hope. I only recently came out of a deep depression where I was suicidal. Hang in there but speak up for yourself.