I was emailing T today some more about this.... This is her reply as it might be of interest to others...

Dear ****

The thing about attachment is that you can follow a different style of attachment with other attachment figures. You do have some secure attachments in your life, including with me. That's how you can get to the point of telling me when things are wrong. Your primary attachment to your mother forms the basis of your internal world, but all the other attachments inform and affect it too. Attachment theorists call it an "internal working model" - and it's something that constantly gets revised.

Love,
*****