I think my IQ is an issue because I outsmart my therapists, which isn't very useful. For every reason my therapist has why something isn't dangerous, I can list three or four reasons it is. It's the reason four years of CBT had a nonexistent success rate for my anxiety and compulsive thoughts.

My pdoc says the hole in my chest is a symptom of psychotic MDD. Not sure how that works, because my chest is rather nonexistant even if he refuses to see it. We also disagree on whether or not I'm immortal. I agree that people aren't usually immortal, but I think God or whoever it is up there made an exception just for me because I suck as a person and to cease existing would be a relief I don't deserve. I'm sort of open to the possibility that that might either be delusional or not.

I also am what they call "bordering on psychotic" or "on the borderline of psychosis" (NOT borderline personality disorder) around here (that doesn't have a DSM code attached to it) - I've been hallucinating since I was a little kid, but I've always been able to distinguish it from real life. Well, I thought for a while God was communicating with me, but that was because I had been told all my life that God existed and I thought that, as I was the only one hearing the voices - taking the shape of indistinghuishable/ incomprehensible chatter - it had to be God. I also have visual hallucinations of notebooks with illegible scrawls written all over it, but it's always been sort of like it was drawn on my glasses, or as though I was viewing through a window that had the scrawling written all over it. It's always been clear to me that's not real and my psychiatrist thinks it might be OCD taking the shape of compulsive thoughts.

And yup, the reason I was reaching out was because I was curious as to what other people's experiences are. :-)