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The_little_didgee · Dec 09, 2014, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breadfish

I also am what they call "bordering on psychotic" or "on the borderline of psychosis" (NOT borderline personality disorder) around here (that doesn't have a DSM code attached to it) - I've been hallucinating since I was a little kid, but I've always been able to distinguish it from real life. Well, I thought for a while God was communicating with me, but that was because I had been told all my life that God existed and I thought that, as I was the only one hearing the voices - taking the shape of indistinghuishable/ incomprehensible chatter - it had to be God. I also have visual hallucinations of notebooks with illegible scrawls written all over it, but it's always been sort of like it was drawn on my glasses, or as though I was viewing through a window that had the scrawling written all over it. It's always been clear to me that's not real and my psychiatrist thinks it might be OCD taking the shape of compulsive thoughts.

This could be the prodrome phase of psychosis. I know I had insight during that time. As the illness worsened I gradually lost insight. Sometimes I'd lose it and it would return. It was odd.

My illness slowly developed. The hallucinations and delusional thinking slowly wove themselves into this reality until I crossed the threshold. At first it was confusing.

I've never ever had a true visual hallucination. The closest I have experienced to one were with real objects. They would get fuzzy and vibrant borders that made them come alive or standout. Sometimes they would vibrate. I thought God and alien beings were communicating with me via pictures, magazines and the TV. If there was no message in the glowing object I would keep it (if possible) to try to figure out if there was a message in it. All my other hallucinations were mostly auditory. At first those were just noise. Later on they became actual voices that usually commented on what I was doing or talked about God.

I had OCD when I was a kid. Sometimes I still struggle with it. The mental images I get are very different from my hallucinations. They are limited to my mind (don't involve activating the senses) and not bizarre.