My condolences to you, TimeBombGage, as this is an enormous loss. I've experienced the type of friendship you describe and I can only imagine how it feels to have that taken away.

I've also lost a friend to suicide. We had a complicated relationship in the end, but it was devastating nonetheless. To lose someone this way is especially difficult because you can often find yourself wondering how you didn't know and what you could have done to prevent it. The answer to that is you couldn't.

It takes lots of time to recover from this and everyone grieves differently. Just know that we are here to listen. Talking about it usually helps a lot.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.