I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it all bumble.

It sounds like you have really been doing the hard yards, working hard and using the tools that you have been given. I had a conversation with my Psych Nurse yesterday, and after I had poured out my heart and told her everything that was going on and how I needed help, she told me that she didn't have the answer and I was going to have to find it for myself. That through her and my T I had most of the tools I needed and it was up to me to put them into practice and keep using them.

I was shocked. It was the last thing I wanted to hear. I needed to hear that she still had things for us to try. But then she said something really profound. She said that "I was coping."

I didn't think much of it at the time, but upon reflection she was right. Most of the time I don't feel like I am coping, but my T had told me that "If I am breathing I am coping". Putting the two together I can see what they are saying. I might not be coping well, but I am coping, in that I am still drawing breathe and have not given up.

From personal experience it is a combination of medication and T that keeps you going. It is the medication that gets your brain into a place where you are prepared to keep fighting, to keep going, to keep trying. Then it is T and the tools that they give you to make that fight worthwhile, to improve the quality of your life.

You said that you feel like you have only a couple of months left before you won't be able to function anymore. Can I suggest a medication review? Can I also suggest that you sit down and have a very frank conversation with your T, telling her you need to know exactly what you are supposed to be doing, what tools she recommend you use (relaxation, breathing, meditation, mindfulness, destraction, exercise etc)?

Can I also say that in line with what I was saying earlier that you are doing a good job. You haven't given up, you haven't stopped fighting, that you are still drawing breathe, really you are to be commended. Take time to reinforce positive thinking. Tell yourself often that you are worth the fight, and that you are doing well. It may not be as well as you like, but each day you struggle and fight is another day that you have won the battle.

Don't give up. You are worth the fight. You are valuable. You have proven that you can keep going. Take each day as a victory. Treat yourself often. Get your meds reviewed, get a new Pdoc and/or therapist, do whatever it is you need to do to keep going.

Please keep posting so we know how you are. And occasionally read posts from crazy people like me