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Originally Posted by VeggieGirl1993
Hi everyone,
i have just signed up as i want to gain insight into bipolar disorder while i am waiting for an assessment/diagnosis. My GP thinks i am bipolar but i dont know if i agree. I experienced about a month of pure happiness (despite being on anti depressants) and elation, i wanted to speak to everyone and anyone, i laughed all the time, constantly made jokes, wanting to start up exercising and eating healthy and felt motivated, while also going on loads of dates (unlike me!) and being really carefree and telling them too much information about my life. I had amazing self esteem, i felt like i was IT! pretty, confident, clever etc. but i usually have low self esteem so it was strange. I also spent nearly all of my student finance going out and drinking and online shopping leaving nothing left for bills! at the time i didnt care. so as i say this went on for about a month maybe a bit longer. then ive had 2 months of utter depression and suicidal thoughts, not wanting to see anyone or do anything, with a few 'neutral' or 'fine' days in between. but thats it, i havent experienced any more of the 'high' days since, just that 1 or 2 months. I thought people with bipolar generally experienced a lot more mood switching? Or is it different with each person? also to add, in the past 3 weeks i have out of nowhere developed awful anxiety. im constantly worrying and feel nervous and fearful for no reason, and any little noise makes me have a mini panic attack! i closed the door behind me today and it blew a bit of paper and i nearly fell over with fear! i also stepped on a lighter and screamed! what is with that? i cant sleep at night because i worry so much as feel uneasy. so its like ive had 4 different moods, high moods, depression, anxiety and neutral. any one else experience anything like this? and does it sound like bipolar? obviously not expecting any sort of diagnosis just an insight really or any advice. i have been waiting 3 weeks to see someone since being referred. sorry if none of this makes sense my head is a bit muffled!
thanks for reading
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Hello and welcome to the forums! It's a great place here. I've only been here for a few days, but I like it already.
It sounds like it could be bipolar to me. That happiness phase sounds like mania to me. That's common with bipolar, but the intensity of it can vary. I think so because you were spending a lot and really care free when that's not a normal thing for you. I saw someone above say anti-depressants can trigger mania too which is certainly true.
I have Bipolar II and usually experience slow/pro-longed mood swings. I am typically usually in a depressive state, but from time to time I will get insanely happy and do much of what you described. Other times, I feel both sad and happy at once. I would say, no doubt, my emotions are all over the place and sometimes are challenging to control. It's complicated though because I can have days where my moods swing all over, but usually it's the slow ones (like what you described: one month of happy, then many of depression, etc.).
I've got high anxiety as well. I totally relate to feeling fearful for no reason. I'm pretty constantly anxious. A lot of that comes from me constantly wondering if I'm going to be okay (going through a very stressful time where my bipolar symptoms are off the charts). Totally get the noise thing though. I'd considered if there's anything about those noises that could be triggering you as well. If you had some sort of negative experience with the object or the sound, that could be why you have such a strong reaction. For example, because of a previous bad relationship, I will hear someones phone make the ding from Facebook messenger and get an instant panic even though there is no real danger. In fact, I've kind of just become afraid of Facebook in general lol.
But yeah. Everything you're describing I can totally relate to. Just know that if it is Bipolar, you'll figure out how to manage it. It will not be easy, but having a therapist and pdoc is always the right step. They can perscribe medications that work pretty well usually, but you need to try to control your thinking as well with things like cognitive behavioral therapy.
I'm glad you signed up here too. If you do have Bipolar, or any mental illness, you'll always have support! I suggest, if you do get diagnosed with it-or maybe even beforehand-to read up on it so you know what you expect and ways to manage it. It's really important to understand it. I lived diagnosed with it for 4 years before I really decided I needed to change things and saw how much damage it could still do even when on meds.
Try not to worry about it too much (easier said than done). You'll be alright. And, as far as the label, it's up to you whoever you decide to share your diagnosis with (if you have it). Mental illnesses are also entirely real, so don't listen to your sister. lol.