Not so great. had a first flashback with sui, and it scares me that it could happen again... what if I can't break state fast enough???? Then again the stress doesn't help. I'm at the library to try and focus easier and for part of the time it works but then I go back to last night and get scared again. I'm trying to deal with it and force myself to keep working but there's also a part of me that wants the pain to end. Which is a bigger red flag.

I've been talking with t every day, trying to get through it, but this flashback plus hallucination doesn't help things. I'm afraid of studying right now, and afraid of failing ... both are working against each other.

I'm getting more worried..... and that's not helping.