Hello Inny -- I am so sorry to learn that you are in such pain.

You are not bad, and you must repeat this over and over and work with counselors until you can internalize this knowing. You have an illness, and people are not bad for having cancer, AIDS, diabetes, or for being cutters.

I am sure your bf was motivated by concern, and he probably was scared so that his adrenaline kicked in, but his response was extreme and obviously has contributed to you seeing yourself as bad.

You need more hugs than I can give, but please accept all the online hugs and love and concern that is here for you.

(((((((((((((((((((Inny)))))))))))))))))))))