Wow... I'm sorry that your T and Pdoc seem to be missing the boat with you, not listening to your concerns, and generally not being helpful.

That amazes me that your T would be so dismissive (to accuse you of not wanting to get better) when you're very actively not only trying to get better, but trying to use your knowledge of how you've reacted in the past to keep yourself safe.

Good for you for advocating for yourself, and for paying attention to your symptoms and medications! And, I hope you can find a T (and pdoc!) who are actually able to help you, and not make things harder!