Questions:
Why do you feel like you need to have complete control?
Do you actually "need" to have this much control? Or is it simply safer, but not what you need?
Do you need a friend or a T?
Are you trying to have too high of expectations in order to push her away?

Ts usually specialize in certain areas. If your T doesn't use x modality, then she doesn't use it.

I expect my T to be open and honest. I expect her to respect my boundaries. She expects the same from me. But...therapy isn't about my T; it's about me. I tell my T all the time that if she wasn't an important part of therapy, then "I might as well talk to a wall". She always laughs at that. But it's a fine line. Therapists should have boundaries. They shouldn't be 100% transparent.

I think wanting honest feedback about your relationship and your progress is okay to expect. But not all Ts are like that. Feedback about how she feels about you, again up to her, but I'm not sure that is common for Ts to do.

I lead the conversation. I help determine my treatment plan. But I take advice and direction from my T (and other doctors). If I could do things on my own, I wouldn't need my treatment team.

And therapist often give support via advice and guidance. Makes me think you need a friend and not a T.

But, then again, I do know some people here have Ts who don't offer advice or guidance, but simply listen. The only way you're going to find out is talking to your T.