Hi

This will be a somewhat long one so please sit back and read
I have had bi polar with adhd and dyslexic since I ca remember. Just to write this well took several years of tutoring along with computer program. The sad part is I have a iq of 131 so I know what I am missing out on. Some of u seen my post but that not the half of it

The drugs they had me left permit side effects. I dislike pills do to this so I went herbal …..Not oked in my state for depression or anxiety or bi polar (only dying chronic pain). I got myself in trouble I offered my vape pen to an undercover dea …….I was being nice in a manic high because it was my fav day of year ren fair ……where I feel normal and not out of place ……….now they are pushing me on a felony and 5 years in prison

Ok a felony is horrible for me the last 2 years I have been learning everything I could about the herbal culture so I could go and work in a shop. With a felony charge on my record I can never apply or work in a shop under federal rules. That is thousands of hours lost and my last hope to having a job (it is best if I stay away from ppl and this is something I can do with what I have and keeps me happy since the amount of variables to account for are huge so I am thinking.) Then 5 years in prison not jail prison rapist and all that not the dumb ppl doing 18 months or less prison. I done some time for weed 4 months for having a 8th (this time I had less but I offered). They had me so doped up in there I had to be moved out of general into the trustee wing (I was not danger to myself or others they were to me) but this is prison for years so adapt or die is the law of nature. I do not want to adapt and become something I hate and not looking to die (unless no other choice next time they dope me like that I might as well be dead the side effects will effectively kill any life afterwards not to speak of felony charge)

All because I was feeling on top of the world had a great day. Now the last time I felt that good was the day before my little brother killed himself. (Weed charges was facing a year could not handle it) He lied about it and it went to warrant. He came out of hospital after a panic attack 18 hours later found him dead in his bed. They still do not know the cause of death so it not ruled he killed himself so saved the family that stigma. Dad had the body burnt to put between his and my mom plot sights (she is in hers 12 years ago).

I am stronger then he was. But this is some massive stuff on my plate and I needs some outside help on this one. So I come to u ppl to ask for ideas ……..has anyone else had this trouble in bi polar and has anyone found a good treatment that is legal does not require pill (ECT is last choice)

Gotten a good lawyer ….he said jump I jump
Back in treatment (this time the doctor is trying other things so who knows been few years since I tried them)
Have ppl backing from family to friends ………they understand and not blaming me for it
I have years of coping tricks and multi seasons with several doctors I can recall in my mind
I am testable clean now .......i got some herbal CBDs from hemp but weak and the 500mg is 160 bucks for 2 oz (alot of money for very little if u take 4 pumps to use )

But I am freaking out I do not sleep well before this and now with this even worst. All the news I am getting from the lawyer is bad the dea agent is the witness. Meaning the DA has a very winnable case and it will look good on the record for the conviction. Right now the only saving grace I am hearing is since I did not give it to anyone (no one said I like one) it is an attempt that is misaminor crime. But my luck sucks at this stuff I think good and have good karma but I get boned more then I should. The pills do not start until tomorrow if the insurance oks them. But they are new so 4 to 6 weeks to build up and i got court feb 3. It is only going to get worst for me freaking out

At this point I am only seeing one choice and that is full on commitment to something and applying for SSI to pay for it until I die of a natural death. It means nothing for how ever life wants to prolong this body.

Any ideas thoughts something I am not seeing that I should before I make any life altering changes