It's been 11 months since my last SI but I honestly feel so close to going back there. I miss the pain and I feel like it was the way I used to cope with stress and emotional despair. Now I use my music like Five Finger Death Punch and others but it's not the same release. My boyfriend knows about my SI in the past and knows I've been struggling, he's probably the main reason why I haven't cut again. If he found out he'd be crushed and hurt which would hurt me. Honestly without him, I probably would have started SI again.. I feel empty and numb. Like there's nothing to keep trying for and that it'd be much easier if I didn't have to have these problems..