Hi ScarletPimpernel!

I'm glad she gave you lots of advance notice, at least... much better than finding out about it at the last minute! And, thanks for the explanation of the codependency - I see what you mean. I'm sorry it's so hard, I can see how if the person that keeps you alive disappears, even with lots of notice, it can be really scary. Of course, that makes sense (you depend on her to stay alive, she goes away, what happens to you!?) It sounds bigger than abandonment when you think of it like that (and abandonment is already pretty huge)!

Yeah, it's funny how you can be writing something for someone else and realize, "Oh! I get it! This is for me too!" I think it's one of the wonderful things about a forum like this, you end up supporting yourself along with everyone else, in a way that you can't really do when you're just home alone thinking!

And I get the logic versus emotions thing. It sucks! I wish emotions were logical!!! It feels crazy (to me!) to know all the right answers, but still be stuck with a crummy emotion that doesn't make logical sense and seems like it shouldn't be there, and then to add the bad feelings about the non-sensible emotion on top of all that. Yuck! It's too much! I wish I had a good answer to it all! Somehow the idea of just "accepting emotions" feels really not useful!

Good luck... and I hope you can hold on to that hug, and all the ways your T shows you that she cares! I know it gets said alot, but could you maybe use the free time/money from not having T to do something nice for yourself (or to buy yourself a present)? It's not the same as seeing T, but maybe it's a small way to create a sense of being cared about?

(((ScarletPimpernel)))