Hi Hopeful,

I've been on meds, of one type or another for 4 years this March.

I was on the roller-coaster ride for AD's at first because I was always prescribed SSRIs and they did awful things to me. So I always had to stop and try another and then another. It messed me up more than before I went on them, to tell the truth! Lol. And I was put on an AD from the very first visit to the doc.

I can't remember how long I kept trying to get those SSRIs to work with me. It was a long and horrendous journey. My body just would not tolerate them, even with mood stabilizers added on.

I think we have all stopped drug therapy at one point or another. Some people feel better and think that they're "cured" and don't need the meds anymore. Some, like me, are just so fed up with being a walking pharmacy and feeling worse rather than better to be too much to tolerate.

Depending on whether you quit cold-turkey or titrate downwards, coming off the meds can affect you differently. Some I came off of very easily cold-turkey, whereas I was sick as a dog when I quit Ativan (cold-turkey again. I'm thick-headed!

I didn't last long without drug therapy. I would feel fine for the first little while, wondering why I was even playing around with all these medications when I seemingly didn't need them. But everything slowly creeps back in, and you know that you need SOMETHING in order to survive.....but it's so disheartening because there just doesn't seem to be anything that works.

(Remember that I'm only talking about my experience here. And I'm not recommending anything. I'm just answering each of your questions down the list with my own history. So please don't take me as the model of how this all works. )

I returned to drug therapy when I was becoming suicidal again. This time I tried Remeron. The doctor never wanted to give it to me because it would make me "profoundly tired". Well, that didn't happen. And it's only at the lowest doses that the sleep properties are in affect. I was way past that dosage in a short while, and I called it my anti-suicide drug. It was great. I felt so much more like myself. I functioned, if not as well as before, at least much better than when I was being bombarded with meds. That is when we realized that Serotonin wasn't my problem (which is what SSRIs target), but that Epinephrine was what needed to stick around in my brain for a longer time than it was. No wonder all those other meds weren't working! Phew! I also started taking a beta blocker to help with the physical symptoms of anxiety (helps to block the adrenaline from flooding your heart and giving you a panic attack). By the way, my "labels" were social anxiety, PTSD, suicidal ideation with attempts, and eventually I became agoraphobic. But I felt great on a HIGH dose of Remeron.

That lasted for a year until I had gained sooooo much weight that I just had to quit. I became huge. I quit and stayed on the beta blocker and anti-anxiety meds. Over time, I lost all that weight (amazing!!)....but I started having suicidal thoughts and agoraphobia along with the social anxiety.

We went straight to Effexor XR (another med that targets Epinephrine). I take 300mg daily, along with the beta blocker and the anti-anxiety, and I feel good again. The depressive, suicidal "entity" is off in the distance somewhere (I don't know if it will ever go away), but I am calmer now again and certainly don't jump out of my skin when the phone rings anymore! Lol. I am still agoraphobic, though, and it's driving me batty.

My doc tried to get me into a prgram where the therapist comes to YOUR house for counselling, but nothing ever happened with that. I could do out-patient counselling....but I can't take a bus yet. I just need someone to help me while I'm in my safe zone, and then help me carry that over into the outside world. I'm ready for it! I *want* to get rid of this agoraphobia. But meds and myself alone just doesn't do the trick. And it's been so long that it almost seems like there's no turning back now. Ugh! But who knows? Maybe a therapist will call this very day!

So, those are my answers. Meds help a lot (I'd probably be dead without them), some therapists were better than others (when I still was able to push myself to go places), but therapy is definately something that needs to be included in the treatment regimen (I think). My medical doctor signs a medical release each year, and he checks the boxes that say, "severe", "permanent", and "can't be employed". That makes a person feel just wonderful. But if I had a therapist......

Anyways, the best of luck to you, hon.

God bless,
Sandy