Hi waterknob, it does sound really tough, I'm sorry
But all that progress you made, seriously doesn't have to have gone away. It is still there, just under the rest of it. Hold tight to that!!!
And you know it sounds like a lot of this is about other people and their problems, I can completely get how they can effect you so much , but why should you have to carry their problems, why should they have to weigh you down???
You remember your progress, they have no right to effect that, and they certainly have no right to walk through your front door with you right into your home!!! In your head, you shut the door on them!!! This is your space, and you've earned it!!!!
And as for work........well you know you do a good job!!! And so do we, from how caring you are, and how much you persevere!!!
It obviously isn't all about the money etc. or you would have walked by now, regardless!!!
So you remind yourself of that, you give yourself credit for what you do!!! And you feel proud of yourself for the things you do manage to do, that make a real difference.
And I don't care if you can't think of that many, or they're only small things............sometimes the isolated or really small things are some of the most important things!!!
So if other people want to stick with only the negative, then that's their loss/their problem............don't let it taint the rest, hey?? It matters too much.
And the rumours..........yes be tired of them, be fed-up of them, yes maybe treat them as monotonous.......empty.......hollow until they actually come true/if they do..........and you try focusing on/remembering something else.............the parts of your job that actually do matter!!! And then if the rumours come true, well you've prepared yourself deep down for that anyway............and I hope you're still looking for another job anyway???!!!

Alison