As you know, none of us can know what did-- or did not-- happen to you as a child.

I will only add that I have dealt with many of the physical symptoms you describe, and I was not sexually abused as a child. I suffered other kinds of abuse and neglect, but nothing sexual. I'm also a lesbian and have never had penetration-- ever-- and my hymen was broken by the time I went to the gynecologist for the first time in my early teens. There was no "incident" involved-- I did not go horseback riding, or play aggressive sports, or anything like that. The doctor explained to me that your hymen can simply deteriorate on its own-- which is what happened in my case. I also have the same issues around tightness/pain-- why? I have no idea. Luckily for me, as a lesbian, it's not a real problem. I suppose I just wanted to say that the physical symptoms can simply be the result of biology-- and can occur without trauma. The feelings of disgust, on the other hand, are psychological. However, they could be due to any number of factors. It may help to explore with your T when you first remember having these feelings and if they are related to anything you do remember like body image, negative comments from family/friends about sex, appearance, morality, etc-- or any verbal or physical abuse or neglect that you do remember. I recognize that it is also possible that there was sexual abuse-- but it may be more helpful to begin by exploring the things you KNoW happened and looking there first.

I would be very wary about the phenomenon of false memories. It is very easy to wonder if something happened and then become suggestible to leading questions from the therapist. My cousin experienced false memories-- at her therapist's suggestion-- and it tore out family apart. She went to a mandated therapist without much experience and the therapist told her that she must have the symptoms she does because she was sexually abused. She said she was not, but the therapist told her she must have been and started suggesting things that may have happened. She started to believe the therapist, and then started accusing a bunch of family members. She eventually realized that the memories never really happened, but it was a horrible experience-- for her and our family. While not knowing is incredibly difficult, I think it might be better to focus on what you do remember and on the symptoms themselves than to go "digging" for memories. If they begin to surface on their own, that's one thing. But I think digging for them might be more likely to lead to false memories than actual retieval.

I wish you the best of luck.