Very valid point. I need to find a new T in my area. It's just hard for me to get away since I always have my kid when I'm not working. I work OT on Saturday's now too. I can't even find time to get an oil change, much less a baby free time to see a T.

I feel lonely. I am home alone again. Since Sunday, I haven't seen much of my husband. He was not feeling well yesterday and stayed home. When I got in I bet there were not more than 3 words between us all night. Tonight, I have no clue where he is. It's dark here. Surely he isn't still working. What's getting me right now is that in 12 years I never even looked at another guy with desire. And here I am lonely in a marriage trying to make it all work, and suddenly some cosmic change in the universe has presented me with a few men that flat out wish I were not married. Today I was told by a soon to be divorced male coworker that my greatest asset is that I am smart and able to carry on a conversation. Not that I am pretty or anything physical. He wasn't hitting on me, that I am aware of.He was just sincerely being nice. His statement struck me odd, because conversation is something that I am severly lacking in my marriage. So if this guy is able to open up to me about his divorce and new adventures with women in is new single life, why is it my husband and i cant speak? Is our relationship too hurt from the history we share to be able to even communicate? Have I scared my husband with the threat of leaving after the incident that he no longer wants to open up to me? I am being tested and it's making me think even harder about how much of my life I am going to give waiting for my man to get his act together. My mother seems to think he is living a double life with the fact he "disappears" for business and what not. She think he will always be the kind of guy that wants his cake and eat it too. She says he is a great family man when he is here and she sees him trying, but there is so much doubt about what he is up to when he is not with me.

My mind is constantly spinning right now. I wish there was an easy button that would tell me what to do. I don't know how much longer I can honor my vows of in sickness and health, in good and bad. And why in the heck do I even care about those vows when he broke them? *sigh*