I'm sorry you are feeling sad and confused.

I think it's really normal to have the kind of associations you are having. Basically, the conflict with present bf has brought up memories of how old bf handled conflict. And new bf's violence (not directed at you, as yet) reminds you of old bf's violence (directed at you).

I have been with h for 11 years and I still get triggered although he has never hit me. But he throws stuff and slams stuff and I get scared. First off, that IS violence and he SHOULDN'T do it... too, with a past history of abuse, of course that kind of behavior is triggering.

Anyway, I think where your thoughts went makes sense.

I hope bf and you are on speaking terms again. I know it's hard when someone gets quiet, h is very much like that. I think it is even harder when we are used to being yelled at or hit... even though we don't like that stuff, at least it means we are being noticed, and, besides, it's familiar. It's unsettling to just be ignored. Inside, we are expecting abuse, and sort of preparing ourselves, but it doesn't come and on top of that there is this new kind of "agression" -- the silence -- which we have no experience with and don't know how to process or respond to.

Geeesh... but I babble.

hang in there, L