Thank you for the posts above. I'm not out to try to paint myself as a hero. Yes, what I do for my friend is nice, and he is lucky to have someone help him as I do. But I would be very lonely without him, so a lot of time I spend with him is time I want to be with him.

I've gotten in awful bad shape. Some may be worry about him. Some is just that I'm prone to anxiety and depression and some time I get overwhelmed by both. That's how I am now. It's like different things in my mind have snowballed into monsters, some about him, and some not about him.

I don't want to go to where I've gotten my psych care. They'll just say, "So what do you think we can do?" Then I'll just leave. I truly don't know what anyone can do to help me. I was making good progress over most of 2013. In October, I started slipping. Now I am becoming devastated at how bad I feel.

I will try to do some housework now. My place is becoming chaotic.

Today I dreamed about my dog who died over 8 years ago. I dreamed I had left her home alone with no food or water. And I felt so bad that I did that. Then I woke up and remembered that I never ever neglected her like that. Now I am upset just thinking of this. It took be 5 years to recover from the loss of my dog. But I did, and got to where I was okay about it. Now for these anxieties to come back related to her. I feel like I'm going crazy.