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I tell her about some past abuse issues and death of loves ones which cause me to put up walls and not fully put myself out there for someone. But that I wanted us to work on that.
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A lover is not a therapist.
It is not possible for a partner/lover to work therapeutically with you on the issues you describe.
I agree with the others who say that your main need right now is to work on you. My suggestion is to focus on the individual counseling and step back from this relationship.
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I can't force myself to leave her.
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Yes you can. The way I see it is this: one way to express your care about her is to work on yourself so that you can in the future put yourself fully out there. So you can have her or another woman as a partner and lover, and not as a de facto therapist.