Plixplox,
I think that wondering about what your therapist thinks of you is a pretty normal thinking! Not all clients wonder, but the vast majority do. It's actually a very important part of most people's therapy and many therapist (the really good ones in my opinion) want to talk about your thoughts about them and also to share with you their thoughts. Why? Because good therapy, imo, is about the relationship and its impact on us mentally. How we relate to our therapists is a pretty good indication of how we function outside of therapy with the other people in our lives.

I'm sorry that your therapist felt the need to dismiss you from your session due to the use of Valium. It wasn't clear to me if she had informed you that this was a limit she was setting at the first session. A lot of therapists who are working with someone who abuses drugs will tell them in the first session that therapy won't be conducted if they come to the session impaired. But they usually let the client know that at the next session you will be discussing why you came to the session impaired knowing the limits that have been set regarding drugs. If she hadn't informed you, it isn't kosher, imo, to suddenly impose that rule (unless of course you were slurring your words, unable to function, falling asleep etc), it would have been better that she cited her rule and then stated if it happened again, the session would end and you'd pick up again the following week.

I think what is particularly sad is that she said she was fine if you wanted to transfer. I think error in judgment is definitely on her. I think that what she isn't getting is that it is hard to set firm boundaries, but I think it's even harder to remain firm and not get defensive or angry when a client expresses their displeasure about the rules. It's her job to set the rules but it's imperative that she remain open and welcoming toward all your thoughts and feelings about the rules. Those feelings and reactions are what therapy is all about!! She failed on that issue.

It would have been fine if after the two of you talked about and processed your feelings about that rule and she then discussed with you about her opinion that you needed a drug and alcohol evaluation to help her with your treatment plan. It would even be fine if she suggested you combine drug/alcohol counseling support while undergoing therapy, but for her to just walk away, to close down her work with you without discussing what happened is wrong and indicates inexperience (imho). Even though you were angry about her dismissal (abandonment), your post indicates to me that you were willing to still go back and work with her. She missed an important opportunity to work this through with you. Not your fault, it's hers and she should own it. She missed a great opportunity to help you with your issues.

I hope you decide to follow through with an appointment with another therapist at the clinic. If you don't hear from the person who is suppose to call, you call. If it's a clinic, it's easy for things to get confusing and for messages to be lost. Be persistent. Good luck!