Her response seems both extreme and understandable, making me wonder what was really said. I know it's hard to convey so much in a single post, especially when it's an emotionally charged topic.

I completely understand why she would not be able to treat you while you're actively using, but it's too bad there wasn't more discussion about it while you were in session.

About the referral nightmare: if this is a large HMO or other system, there can be a lot of crossed wires and challenges to getting referred out of network. Can you contact that therapist and ask her to help hurry the referral along?