I hope your will improve too! Did you try meeting other girls for these 18 months? Its bad that you had to see her, at least i probably wont see her ever again because we live so far from each other. But my ex-friend lives in house that stands 200-meters from my house and i see his house everyday from my window. Its possible that someday i will meet on the streets, but i really hope this wont happen. If i will see him i don't know if i would be able to control myself. Maybe i would beat him very hard and send him to the hospital. Then i would end up in police station and have a criminal record. I hope we wont see each other again so that would not happen. Also, have you problems with nightmares like i do?