I know my situation is different in that I am prescribed benzos and have never had an addiction to any drugs or alcohol, but still my T doesn't want me to take them before I see her. I only did it once. She said I was so placid and wasn't able to express myself in my normal manner. So she asked (not demanded) me not to take them beforehand, but she said to take it afterwards if I need to. She was right, so I haven't done it again.

So, I assume, that your T was concerned because you're taking meds not prescribed to you, you have a history of addiction, and they do alter your mental state. I believe she acted ethically by having you referred to someone else. But I also understand how you might feel rejected and upset over it.

And I agree with the T that you saying you "need" the benzos was your addiction talking. An addict needs to stay clean and not be on addictive medication that isn't prescribed to them. And there are safer otc medication to take or even medication a doctor can prescribe to help reduce anxiety.