I agree with hamster in strenuously urging you to ask for help. I differ with hamster though about what happened with your friend. I think it often happens when young that a rupture with a close friend feels crushing, shattering, and it sounds like that is what happened here. You were so close with her that you saw her as a main reason for living, and then she spoke as she did to you. You have valid reasons to be hurting right now, but there is help for the pain.

Please: ask for help to overcome the pain and to begin to heal.