Thank you all very much.

i do want to talk things though. i know it is the right thing to do. im just so scared. now i dread seeing him in person. afraid he'll get whats on my mind with just a glance. i always end up feeling like this. i hate it and i hate myself.

we see each other almost every day. i guess i would feel better if we fixed a day or two per week where we dont see each other in person. it would give me relief.

about the kissing, i guess i would like it to happen when we greet or a few other times, when it would mean something. when i go over at his for a movie, i would like to watch the movie, not making out. and if he wants to make out, i'd like to know it before so that i know we see each other for that reason.

is this crazy? yes, i think my past is still affecting me exactly with these issues. the emotional part i mean... im not seeing my T anymore, maybe i'd need some extra help, but i dont want to go back to T.

do you think a relationship could still work in spite of these "needs" i have?