It was that fing business relationship comment he made, he said that's what we have last week... I wanted to tell him how much that hurt me, and other things I thought during the week, but I couldn't. We were making small talk and I realized I couldn't even make small talk. I felt like a super freak, highly anxious, not breathing properly. I hate being emotional, and I imagined him thinking about how painful it was to even talk to me and hoping the hour would fly by, and how I had pathetically built this fantasy thinking he really loved me, but really I am just business to him. He is the best thing in my life and he is just some guy I pay to talk to me.