Hello rustytears: I'm so sorry to read that this has happened to you. It can take a long time to get over a break-up such as this. Probably the best thing you could do at this point, assuming you don't already have it, is to make arrangements to see a therapist. You need someone you can talk this through with on an ongoing basis for some time to come. A therapist can also help you to develop strategies that will enable you to stop searching the internet for information about your ex.
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Beyond that, I would simply encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Try not to berate yourself for what you are doing and thinking. With the passage of time, and the help of a therapist, you will heal.