Yes, different states handle inheritance differently....I found that out by personal experience........

NEVER put your inheritance into the common house fund.....if you are still married....keep it in the trust account or in your own private account because as soon as you mix it or even use it for "OUR" crap....it becomes the 50/50.....that was the way California works.

I kept all my inheritance money in the trust account & when I sold my mother's house, I put all the money from the sale into that account also. Being an only child, it was easier for me because I was the only one other than my daughter that got any inheritance from my Mom.......think my mom thought that my H would get it through me.....& I'm sure he thought he would & I'm even more sure that his parents thought I would bail him out from the mess he got us into with my inheritance.....Instead....I LEFT & moved 2100 miles away.....2 years later but at least I finally got out. I never mixed the money into OUR account. I loaned him some money to fix up the house in Calif but I made that loan with the agreement that it was to be paid back out of the refi of the house when it went through. I ended up getting it back but he went to a bankruptcy lawyer & they told him that because that money was used for OUR home that it was no longer considered my inheritance......don't think he said anything about the agreement that we had made regarding the money & that I only agreed to LOAN it to him.....so....what I learned....if you do loan any of your inheritance money....GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING!!!!!!! or the courts will definitely try to screw you......along with your H.

Also, I don't think that inheritance is safe from a bankruptcy & don't think there is any way to protect it either......even buying my farm didn't protect my inheritance money from the bankruptcy my H was thinking about doing either....but then he had been procrastinating about doing it for over 10 years & never did......most of the debt just ended up vanishing into credit collectors & there was actually no money & they were after him not me......but I never talked to any of the lawyers so I don't know that my H even got it straight what they said because he never got anything else straight either.....so I doubt that he got that straight either.

I ended up moving to a state (KY) where it's a dowry state......in other words...your inheritance becomes OURS immediately so I had to put everything that I bought with my inheritance into my LLC in my name only .....& even though H wasn't on the deed to my farm...I paid cash for it, ......he had to file a quit claim so that he had no claim to it in the divorce (which I knew was going to be coming)....& I needed it to protect my farm against his financial irresponsibility. According to my lawyer it didn't protect my assets it just took them off the radar & they would have to look at a second layer as to who owned the LLC to end up coming after what I owned.....so I protected myself as best I could that way.

I definitely understand what you are going through....reading what you write...almost thought it was me writing it. The lies by not saying anything....his belief...."if you don't say it, it's NOT a lie".....BS

He even asked me for money to go back to college out of my inheritance....I told him that if he did his research & was able to tell me what companies would be willing to hire people with that certificate program at his age & what kind of income they make & how long it would take to get through the program & would think about it.....but he got angry at me for asking him to do any research....he wanted me to just hand him the money....Do I LOOK STUPID????

I have come to realize with research that all those years what I was dealing with was someone with Asperger's........at least that's the only thing that 100% explains ALL the issues that I was having problems with & it showed where some of the things came from like never feeling a connection in the marriage.....like Mr nice guy could do the nice things he had been taught....but he did them without any feeling....& it was like he was always living in another world & it was like I was speaking a foreign language every time I tried to talk to him.....33 years of that was ENOUGH.....I'm sure there was a lot of "JUST JERK" mixed in with what was going on.....but it was definitely enough!!!!....so much that I was actually seeing red every time I had to deal with him before I left....& even after for several years after the IRS situation where he totally ignored the letter they sent....but it was back taxes owed on my inheritance because he had filed it WRONG that year & I was dealing with PTSD...not fighting with him to take it to a CPA to have the taxes done....he insisted that he KNEW exactly how to handle it......so I ended up owing back taxes because he blew it....I made him take a retirement fund which was just enough to cover the IRS bill for about 6 years....& I got the penalties removed so it was just interest & the tax.

I really feel for you....& I wouldn't trust your H either after that loan situation....there were things my H did that made me not trust him....but I had this problem myself....always thought I should be able to trust my H....would ask him questions & he wasn't able to say he didn't know the answer...he always had to know the answer to EVERYTHING...so it would end up a lie.....I finally realized that as long as I lived around him.....I wouldn't be able to completely cut him OUT of my life...only way for me was to leave as I tried the separate parts of the house for almost 13 years before I finally was able to leave.

Keep writing here....sometimes I know at least for me...it helps to put my thoughts together in a written form & to get some feedback....but clarifying my own mind with the written word helps me think better about my thoughts.....hope it works the same for you

Like I said....I totally feel for what you are going through