I currently don't see any therapists or doctors. I used to rely on my friends to talk about issues in my life but I don't have many of those left now that i have dedicated my time to my career (Never had many in the first place).. I also don't take medication for my disorders.

I am bit torn about my situation currently, i want to move, i think if i move i can start to exit this apathetic trend i'm in. Something about being in the place i grew up for so long might make me feel the way i do.

Everyday i spend my life in paranoia over the choices i'm making in my life and what consequences they'll bear. It frightens me. I'm so tired of hurting others, but i don't know how i can fix this situation to grow emotionally and also pursue my dreams.

Currently i have no friends left to talk to about this, and i wouldn't even try to talk to my family about it. I didn't necessarily want to make friends as i pursued my degree as I've completely grown untrusting of others over the recent years.

Why is it so hard for me to trust?
Why is it so hard for me to show i care?

I don't understand, but i want to.