Quote:
Originally Posted by silentangel1969
I am having to deal with this right now. My ex is 50, his gf is 25, I am 45. My ex an I have children 10 yrs younger, same age, 3 yrs, and 4 yrs younger than the gf. I am having to deal with the gf living in our house, and she is a major trigger for me. I have borderline personality disorder. None of the 6 daughters approve and no longer talk to him and he doesn't care. It is supposed to be family first, and he doesn't care. It really pisses me off. I can't stand to see, hear, and be around her.
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It is supposed to be family first cuts the other way, too.
That you resent the gf is perfectly normal, but that the daughters no longer talk to the dad means that they are violating the rule of "family first" and they are old enough to be more responsible. But, it could be that they are violating this rule out of care and compassion for you, and deep down want to talk to their father. I think the living arrangement is from hell, and would wear down on a mentally well person, but for you with borderline this is outright the very polar opposite of what the dr ordered. I am sure the gf and your ex do not enjoy this arrangement either. What can be done to split up and live in separate households? Is it purely a money issue?
I think that your daughters - you have several of them over age 20 so they can definitely make money and pay bills - are misguided in their attempt to side with you and protect you. Their protectiveness could be expressed far more productively and effectively if they tried to help financially so that you would not live in the same household with the ex and his gf. What they are doing by not talking to their dad is just paying lip service to your predicament; they should instead problem-solve and help you get out of this situation in purely economic terms. And then, out of sight, out of mind.
In other words, the daughters' not talking to the dad does not help you, does not help them, hurts the dad, and possibly hurts them. Why is this a good approach then?
Looking at it from a different angle - why is ex burdening his borderline ex wife with this living arrangement from hell? Why isn't he renting a place for him and his gf to live as a couple and away from you? The gf is 25 and can get a job to help pay the rent too. why is it not happening?
Somebody here - not you, but ex, the daughters, and his new gf - need to rethink their ways and actually make your life BETTER.
Note that I only meant adult daughters who can hold down jobs. I did not imply that the daughters who are 15 are doing anything wrong.