I am sorry you are struggling. You are being very hard on yourself.

Two different times in my life I got straight A's in college, hard classes like chemistry, biology, calculus, and then the next semester failed every class. This is because I went into the deep depression and couldn't hang. The previous semester when I got straight A's I was motivated and liked it......then bam.

The thing is depression has nothing to do with intelligence, being dumb or stupid or lazy. If you were valedictorian that is a huge accomplishment.

I don't know if you have depression but if you do it is not something you can really help. Not if your like me. The first order of business is treating the depression. Beating our selves up over how lazy and dumb and what failures we are only makes the depression worse.