Eskielover, thank you for your support. Due to my anorexia I lost a baby.. I suffered an abortion when I was 18.. and it ripped me apart. For long time I blamed myself, because I had no one else to blame than my own body... this still kills me and my depression just got worse.. then, 7 months ago the same situation happened... I lost another pregnancy without even knowing I was pregnant...
I hate myself for that.. I shouldn't, but I do... been a mom is all I ever wanted.. just..just one kid, that's all I ask for. I know I have different choices like adopting, but it wouldn't be the same for me. I want to be able to have a baby, my own baby, product of the love me and my fiance promised to each other 2 years ago.

He wants kids too, and I'm afraid of not been able to give him one.
This is why I started recovery, for us to have that dream that we have together; a family.