Quote:
Originally Posted by anothercliché
In my perspective you haven't argued a word. You've been nothing but cordial and supportive and I'm sorry if I made you feel unwanted or if I came across as ungrateful.
As for body dysmorphia I feel I know how dumb I am, I have proof. With body dysmorphia I'm not sure how a person can disprove "you weigh 100 pounds and are alarmingly below average in BMI" (I'm not attempting to belittle a serious medical condition, I'm just not certain how one would go about disproving it) but I have evidence that I'm a loser.
Anyway yes I've done things I've taken pride in but I am almost immediately brought to bear with my hubris in thinking myself superior. Any time I take the slightest bit of pride the universe seems to take awareness of this and I am nearly immediately shown why I'm not allowed to think that anything I ever did might have been sort of passable and either I **** up in spectacular fashion that negates anything special I did or someone does the exact same thing except with half the effort and double the quality, dwarfing my efforts. I do take pride in things, I just don't like to as I am a magnet for divine retribution and self humiliation.
|
No need to apologize. I rarely get to discuss things with someone like you. If you ever get tired of this thread or if you find my replies annoying or disturbing let me know (or I guess just stop replying). I just find your posts interesting and challenging.
By the way, how are you doing? Are you done with finals?
Your scores on the standardized tests and your writing samples are the proof that you're smart. One is objective and granted, the other is subjective; they're comparable to BMI and an observer seeing that an active ED sufferer is obviously underweight. "But the BMI number doesn't mean anything," the sufferer objects. He or she then points to and presses on a soft area on their body and says, "See here is my proof that I'm fat."
Have you ever taken pride in something you've done without also feeling superior? Is feeling superior a necessary condition? Is that what is bothering you? That you're having a hard time being able to feel superior and unique? Like I said, that's actually something that I've struggled with myself.
Besides just enjoying the challenge, the reason I'm replying is to try to show you that there might just be something wrong (in an undesireable or unhelpful sense, not necessarily incorrect) with your thinking. Your conclusions about yourself and your life seem rational and indisputable to you, but there are several philosophical lines of reasoning that come to different and sometimes contrary, conclusions. It is possible to take your reality and come to a different conclusion about your worth and potential in life.
Take care of yourself, I hesitate to continue this with you. I feel that you should really have this discussion with your therapist or a counselor. Hopefully one that's dealt with their own issues of superiority and self doubt. So if this bothers you in anyway we should stop. If you want to continue, just let me know. You can private message if you like.
I hope you enjoy the Holidays.