Quote:
Originally Posted by dark_sweetie
Thanks for your replies guys. A lot of good discussion and points raised. I mostly like the idea of "being present." I just want to say that, I don't expect my T to be more than a professional to me, or reveal feelings that aren't relevant to our interactions. I'm not asking her to care if she doesn't, I want anything BUT that. I also don't want her to hide it if I'm hard to like. Her real opinions vs my perceptions help me learn about my stuff, and I need to hear it, not just let it mull around in her head where she won't say it. I just want her to be human, and honest, in a professional framework. Therapy wouldn't help me if it was me the exhibitionist and her the voyeur. Nor would it help me if it was me, the insecure and lost, and her, who points the way. It was that for a long time and it didn't help me that much until we were both real and vulnerable, then I started progressing so fast. I am a human being. I can't be fixed by a person who won't be just as human with me. Friends are great, if you have great friends, but they don't offer the same safety and commitment to your issues. I can't process stuff if I'm doing it with even a shred of guilt for taking up someone's time.
I guess it's to each their own.
My T agreed that this seems to be what is working for me, so I feel better.
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Makes perfect sense to me. I am glad your therapist agreed to work in the way you need her to. Consider yourself lucky. When I tried to express the same need as you have to my therapists, they turned it into my "issue" that I supposedly was unwilling to recognize and to work on. They refused to see it as a healthy human need for an honest feedback delivered in the humane and yet professional manner. They proceeded with the same exhibitionist-voyeur dynamic void of normal healthy human interactions and human connection, which was driving me nuts.
And you are right, friends, no matter how great, are not committed to your well-being, as they are not supposed to, because it's not their role. That's why I am a bit uneasy with the word "support" because this word to me is associated with friendship more than with the professional relationship specifically designed to help me sort out my personal struggles. Support to me is more like comforting me and cheering me up during difficult times, and presence is more like facilitating my process through focusing the entire attention on me in order to understand me and to help me understand myself. They are not clearly separated. There are elements of support in therapy. I certainly would like my therapist to express support when I struggle. I just don't want it to be the main part of therapy. Vice verse, friendship has elements of presence. I want my friends to be fully present for me every once in a while, but I won't expect them to do it regularly, as to me this is not their primary function as friends. Hope, this clarifies what I said previously.