Quote:
Originally Posted by dark_sweetie
...I mostly like the idea of "being present." I just want to say that, I don't expect my T to be more than a professional to me, or reveal feelings that aren't relevant to our interactions. I'm not asking her to care if she doesn't, I want anything BUT that. I also don't want her to hide it if I'm hard to like. Her real opinions vs my perceptions help me learn about my stuff, and I need to hear it, not just let it mull around in her head where she won't say it. I just want her to be human, and honest, in a professional framework...
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This I can relate to. I don't want my T to be neutral. I want her to be her. I need it. Part of my therapy is learning how to interact with others. I need to practice reading cues and I need to know how my words and actions come across to others. That requires her being open and honest. I don't want to be "tolerated". If I do something to make my T mad, sad, hurt, or frustrated, I want to know and I want to know why. Those are her emotions that she has to deal with, but to know when and why those emotions came up is beneficial to me. The truth often hurts, but I can't progress if it's avoided. But since she is also a professional, it is the safest place for me to learn these lessons and process them.
I don't know if this is common for therapist to do. They have to walk a fine line. They have to maintain professional boundaries, while being transparent (I think you used this word in your original post), while also being there for the client. I know my T said that she normally doesn't do this with other clients, but I have already been through enough "typical" therapies that they won't help me at this point.
But what I like is that even though she gives advice and/or direction, they are things that she actively uses in her life. Many of my coping skills are skills that she uses. For me, I appreciate it because she is in a sense modeling how to live a healthy life. It's not information from a book, but rather from her own experiences.
Even this last week we were talking about early childhood. She said that I was probably an emotionally sensitive child. She said that she was a very anxious child. It's just who we are. She still suffers from being overly anxious, but she's learned to cope with it. Her relating to me is helpful. For one, it's admitting to her imperfections. It also reassures me that I'm not "broken" and that there is hope that I can learn to cope with my natural tendencies. But she didn't cross any boundaires either because the discussion was always related back to me.
I feel like my T is a mirror to me. She shows me reality; not some distortion or an ideal that can't be achieved. I don't want the answers. I just want truth.