Your not a bad Mom, Everyone has given you honest responses showing you things that your just not able to "see" for yourself right now but they are there.

The only thing I could even think to bring up is ...

Often Bipolar people have just LOUD minds, racing brains , non stop noise. Sensory overload in daily life... I went through a few months back when my daughter was about 4 or 5 ? Mind you I wasnt diagnosed BP then. But My daughter just would not respond to me asking or telling her anything unless I was yelling and yelling even then I would often have to grab her hand or arm to get her to even acknowledge that I wanted her attention.

I remember one day in particular I was just at the end of my rope, crying, I called a friend and asked her to please come over for coffee I just needed someone there , right then, She came over and a pot of coffee later and more of me yelling at my daugher.. My friend said ... You do realize Amanda just tunes your yelling out, she cant handle it so she tunes it all out... Try and speak in a normal voice or even a whisper... ( yep thought she was nuts) but I was willing to try.. So I stop yelling right then, I just spoke in a normal tone, I even did some whispering. about 4 hours later Amanda climbed in my lap and hugged me and said Im glad the mad mommy left. I was crying my eyes out.

Yeah her and I still had some fighting and me nagging at times, But I never once again had to yell at her .. when she was being stubborn I would get on her level and look her in the eyes and quietly tell her what she needed to do next, go pick up toys, then again eye level get ready for your bath...

It was really hard at times of course... Fast forward , I was diagnosed BP at age 43 , my daughter was diagnosed BP 2 months later at age 19. Shes 23 now and doing fantastic, She does remember me yelling when she was young , but she even at that age had trouble with noise and she learned to tune it out, that's how she coped. She wasnt mad at me over it.

Maybe something you could give a try?

As for food ? I grew up eating what my mother made for all of us for dinner, if we didn't like it , we just didnt eat. I raised my daughter the same way. She didnt starve , it wasnt abuse. I also did not keep processed junk food in the house not just because of her , I didnt need that stuff either. I kept fruit, frozen oj in little dixie cups in the freezer, yougart, Once or twice a month Id pick up a bag of chips or icecream.. It was just a special treat.

I think it would be wise to have your son see someone. Maybe he is just scared and confused and kids act out when they don't know how to deal with things. Is he damaged for life ? Of course not. You are not a terrible mom.

Your a Mom that is dealing with a really tough illness and your fighting to get better.