I do have a ways to go but rather than making this more of the same it will be best to discuss the truths and what comes along with those as a person who does have NPD. My daily struggles are there and have yet to leave. I still feel things that I shouldn't (Which are very negative in the road to redemption). I have accepted who I am, a person who wears the many "masks" associated with NPD. Yes it's much easier to argue, make jokes and do everything other than speaking of the facts of "who I am". I was raised with NO LOVE, my parents did not associate much with a town that's all about who your invloved with which promotes your levels of social involvement with others. My parents home where I was raised was always a disaster. My brother and I were left to figure all out for ourselves. Rules were made by my father that were to be abided by at all times or else a monster came out. We weren't hugged, kissed told that we were loved, NOTHING. At a young age I decided to drop out of HS and was told by my parents that it's my decision(I would never allow my kids to do this). I looked up to my father so much growing up, I did all that was asked and more which my brother and sister never did anything. I shoveled the snow, mowed the lawn, painted, fixed and so on. When I was about 7 or 8 my father was taken to the hospital via ambulance and we were left home. I locked myself in a closet for hours holding a survival knife to my chest till I knew he was ok(7 or 8 years old). My mothers ways were to tell me that my father is sick to the point of death. This was a lie, this was her tactic. Similar things went on throughout my life. My mind has opened and seen things for what they are. My parents are both around 80 and have failing health. They live about a mile from me yet I never see them. My eyes have been opened to the sickness I was brought up with. Blood means nothing to me, I don't feel I owe someone anyhting because I am related to them. I tried hard a couple of years ago to ask why she did what they did, that the effect this caused on me in doing so was not right. I would get the same blank stare and the echoing answer of "I was broght up with no love". Well F*** YOU I said, I too was brought up with no love around sick people and yet I can love my kids, kiss them goodnight and do more for them than you ever did for me. Truth be told I am almost 40 and my mind set is still in that angry state of my teenage years. I was never shown anything except negatives. This is my point of being introduced to the Devil at a young age by someone else's doing. I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT!!! I just got it. My feelings are wrong, my thinking is wrong and many things I do are wrong, this is how I learned to deal with the world all by myself. I have feelings of emptiness which is like staring into a blank page for days. Not like a person who feels sad and depressed but a person that feels nothing. Not easy for the ones around me and again not my choice. ANyway I will end here as I am starting to write way too much. This is me being serious once again, take with this as you may but the truth is it's me and REALLY me.