Man oh man, I could scream!

So everything has been relatively calm over the last week or so. I've been reading and working with myself on how to overcome the fear of confronting my mother about these issues. The book Toxic Parents has told me to take certain steps before I have this actual confrontation with her, and it may take a few more weeks before I can get to that point.

One thing I want to clarify before I go any further, is the fact that the place where I met my ex-girlfriend isn't really a gym, but a swimming pool, complete with hot tub and steam room. I didn't want to get into the logistics of what it really was, as I was fearful that someone, like my Mom, or other family members might happen to comes across this forum and put two and two together, figuring out it was me. I'm just one of those people who's leery about being to specific about what you write on the internet if it's not necessary. But now I feel I must be more specific based on what happened today.

So I've been going back to the pool (gym) on a regular basis, and Friday night is our weekly 10-midnight swim. My ex-GF arranged so that all of us regulars and friends should go out for a Christmas party dinner before we go to the pool. I told my Mom the other night that I'm going out earlier on Friday for this party. She keeps asking who's going, and all I respond with, is "everybody," and leaving it at that.

So this morning I get out of the shower, and she's on the phone. She gets off and tells me that she just placed an order for a bathing suit, so that she can start coming to the pool with me.

Inside my head, explosions went off. Lot's of them.

But at the same time, she did mention several years ago when I first start going, that she wanted to come and use the hot tub. But all of sudden now she decides she wants to come? She clearly wants to see what I'm doing, and who with, especially with my ex. I stopped going for an entire month and she never said a word. Now I'm going back, and now she has this sudden urge to accompany me?!?

I want to confront her, but I don't know how. I'm deeply afraid of my own Mother, especially when she'll make me feel guilty, and it will be all my fault if I tell her I don't want her to come. Why must she engage in my social life, I don't in hers, even of what little she does have. Twice a week is all I ask to get out of the house and have my own time, but I clearly can't have that either. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!