It's something I struggle with too Hazelgirl, so I'm not sure I have any advice. When I started on my therapy journey I had a lot of shame about having needs. Even saying the the word "needs" made me balk. I was 32 years old and I didn't even know that apparently we all have needs and it's ok to ask others to fulfill them sometimes.
The more I've talked about that, about what it means to have needs the easier it has gotten to accept that it's ok that I have needs.

I still struggle with it, because needing people isn't comfortable for me and it seems to have moved on from not wanting to "need" to knowing it's ok to have needs but still scared to ask people to fill that need. The rejection side of it is still huge for me. I suppose it's all just a continuum and learning process.

I guess just keep talking about it, get comfortable with them or at least acknowledge you have them, take baby steps, eventually it all filters through.

My cbt T and I just discussed needs too. He wants me to ask for what I need and yet he reserves the right to set limits and boundaries. I told him that I worry that if he refuses a request that I will feel suicidal.

But he still wants me to get in the habit of asking for what I need. I'm trying, not easy!