Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
It wouldn't annoy her if you talked about it with her first. That it was actually an intervention of sorts. She might actually think it's a very good idea to get you acclimatised to asking for things. Because how are you ever going to learn to ask for big things or for something important to you if you can't even ask for a pebble? It would be good for you to learn experientially about how it feels to get your needs met.
It is terrifying but therapy is terrifying. It would probably be a worthwhile exercise.
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But then I have to admit that I need to practice that, rather than pretending that things are fine, haha.
But seriously, it makes me want to throw up. I have asked for very small things, phrased in a hypothetical way, before. But I don't ever just straight-out ask for things. I always clarify, and try to explain why I'm asking, and try really hard to show that I'm not trying to be a pain in the butt, but that I really need someone's help. I don't want to be seen as lazy or manipulative or nagging or needy, which are all things I was given the message I was if I asked for anything as a child. And it causes me so much anxiety to ask for anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneC
Gosh I remember rhow I used to freak out after sending my therapist an email, because to me this was being needy and asking for something and was wrong. I panicked so much early on that he said he thought maybe we ought to schedule me sending emails to ask for things regularly!!!!! I said NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!.
But I have become much more used to asking for what I need from him, thankfully, and only now realise that this alone is a HUGE step for me. Even last week I asked for an addictional session without too much angsting over it.....and mostly accepted his response as not being about me as a bad needy client.
Like Asia says, I bet she would really appreciate you talking about it and wanting to begin to work on it. Remember, (I think it may have been you who said it to me even?) just 20 seconds of bone chilling courage is all it takes that first time.
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What's really funny, is that I used to freak out so much over sending my T a text. But I have gotten used to that and it's not hard for me at all. I've never called her, though, even when I was struggling very badly and definitely would have benefitted from talking to her. I hate the idea of interrupting her life with my neediness. All that to say, I relate.
And no, I'm not the one who came up with that phrase. I heard it here, and I think it's brilliant, but it's not my creation.