You know, IMO, usually these issues are rooted in some kind of conscious misunderstanding we are protecting, I mean inside, about our own feelings. We say they're one thing, and they REALLY feel like one thing, to avoid making them about another. I wonder, are you really worried about protecting T, or maybe on a deeper level, are you a little worried about protecting yourself from asking for something and not getting it, but as a child, you didn't know how to make it about your own needs, because it wasn't your job to meet them? It was terrifying to ask for something that might cause a bad reaction then! It was an issue of your survival, and I'm sure that is how it feels now.

It can be very painful. To essentially be a child who needs something before your T, who is unable to ask because T is supposed to know, at least, who your heart believes T really is, is and was supposed to know, but didn't.

But, that's the thing, you're protecting T from something you believe she doesn't want, when she has said she wants it. Maybe she could find a way to ask that little child about it, who is so afraid to lose her by just having some needs, some real human feelings. Maybe you could ask, too. Why did that child need to keep behaving that way all this time? What needs is she still trying to get met from T, real needs that were very serious? It's about your needs, and your own protection, never really about T's, don't you think? It's not that you are saying anything unreasonable... And you're only doing that for your survival, because you had to at some point. Maybe you could explore that and write a little about it, and show that to T. Just a little bit, just a small step. What do you think?

Eventually, you might start to find that what you *know* logically, can begin to affect what you really feel. It really can be more like that. I hope you find your way.